"If 'ifs' and 'ands' were pots and pans, we'd have no need of tinkers"

"What's for tea, Mum?" usually got the reply
"Bread and pullit" or "Bread and Duck under the table"

One old one from an uncle:
"I was doing this while your Mum was still cutting bread on you..."
(Apparently one of their Grand-mothers had the - then common - habit of cutting bread without using a table and thhe phrase had been carried down the generations).

Walrus