"Where are you going, grandpa?" - "There and back to see how far it is." or "To see a man about a dog."

"Every horse to his own nosebag, said the old man as he kissed his cow." (my dad)

"What are we having for dinner mum?" "Pigs' didders (no idea what they are) on toast and duck under the table." or "Fresh air on toast."

My grandfather's favourite expression of surprise was "Great everlasting hambone!"