Dear SS:

Yes, there is salsa here. Do you prefer fruit-based, legume-based, corn (maize)-based, vegetable-based, or tomato-based? I haven't seen any potato-based...yet. Does your taste run to mild, medium, hot, scorching, incediary, or hellish?

Once your identity is know, I shall send you a local speciality: a tripe 'n' lights and lentil pizza, topped with a five-way and cooked on a mashed-potato crust in a genuine mud oven! Combined with a big bowl of son-of-bitch stew (and only if your bowl has the marrow gut!) and washed down with Pluto Water direct from French Lick, Indiana (just ask for a "bottle of imported stuff") it's a treat for Man and beast. A complete meal AND one guaranteed to help you loose weight!

Being poor now, I'll have to send you the pizza by parcel post, so it might take a while to arrive.

Sincerely,
Your Humble And Devoted Servant,
Wazhizname, you know, your Santee, the guy lost in the Idaho wilds....