As near as I can tell, it is by Matt McGinn of ... Kirkcudbright. Deb Mullins (now Carbone) is the only one I have heard do it, though I saw evidence of several other versions on the internet.


THE WEE KIRKCUDBRIGHT CENTIPEDE
As recorded by Matt McGinn on "The Best of Matt McGinn" (2003)

The wee Kirkcudbright Centipede, she was very sweet.
She was ever so proud of every one of her hundred feet.
Early ev'ry morning, her neighbors came to glance.
She always entertained them with a beautiful little dance.

CHORUS 1: As leg number 94 gave 95 a shunt,
Legs numbers 1 and 2 were twisting out in front.
As legs numbers 9 and 10 were wriggling up the side,
Legs 73 and 4 were doin' the Palais Glide.

Her neighbor, Jenny Longlegs, with jealousy was mad.
She went out and bought herself a pencil and a pad.
She came a month of mornings and made a careful note
Of every step the centipede made and this is what she wrote: CHORUS 1

Arrumed[=armed] with exact notation, young Jenny Longlegs tried
To dance just like the centipede; she failed and nearly cried.
She grabbed ahold of the centipede; she says: "Now have a look,
And tell me how you do these steps I've written in my book." CHORUS 1

Said the centipede: "Do I do that?" She tried to demonstrate.
She'd never thought on the thing before; she got into a terrible state.
Her hundred legs were twisted; she got tied up in a tangle.
She fractured 7 shinbones, 14 kneecaps, and an ankle.

CHORUS 2: As legs numbers 1 and 2 were tied with 3 and 4,
Legs numbers 5 and 6 were trampled on the floor.
Leg number 15 was attacked by number 10.
97 and 98 will never dance again.

The wee Kirkcudbright Centipede, she suffered terrible pain.
And some of us were very surprised she ever danced again;
But now she tells her neighbors, ev'ryone that calls to see,
"Never try an explanation of what comes natur'lly!" CHORUS 1

---

A printed version submitted by Jack Campin. This version matches the Matt McGinn recording almost exactly.
Jack says: "This is how it is in the book "McGinn of the Calton". I also have the single-sheet publication (which will doubtless be different) but can't find it right now.

The Palais Glide is a standard dance in the Scottish repertoire - goes to a 6/8 march (which the song is) and like most Scottish dances it's a geometric exercise I cannot get my head round."

THE WEE KIRKCUDBRIGHT CENTIPEDE
(Matt McGinn)

The Wee Kirkcudbright Centipede
She was very sweet,
She was ever so proud of every
One of her hundred feet.
Early every morning,
Her neighbours came to glance,
She always entertained them
With a beautiful little dance.

CHORUS
As leg number ninety four
Gave ninety five a shunt,
Legs number one and two
Were twistin' out in front,
As legs numbers nine and ten
Were wriggling up the side,
Legs seventy three and four
Were doing the Palais Glide.

Her neighbour Jenny Longlegs
With jealousy was mad
She went out and bought herself
A pencil and a pad.
She came a month of tnornings
And made a careful note
Of every step the centipede made
And this is what she wrote.

Armed with exact notation,
Young Jenny Longlegs tried
To dance just like the centipede,
She failed and nearly cried,
She grabbed a hold of the centipede,
She says, 'Now have a look
And tell me how you do these steps
I've written in my book?'

Said the centipede, 'Do I do that?'
And she tried to demonstrate,
She'd never thought on the thing before
She got into a terrible state,
Her hundred legs were twisted,
She got tied up in a fankle,
She fractured seven shinbones
Fourteen kneecaps and an ankle.

As legs number one and two
Were tied to three and four,
Legs number five and six
Were trampled on the floor,
Leg number fifteen        
Was attacked by number ten,
Ninety seven and ninety eight
Will never dance again.

The Wee Kirkcudbright Centipede,
She suffered terrible pain,
And some of us were very surprised
She ever danced again,
But now she tells her neighbours
Every one that calls to see,
Never try an explanation
Of what comes naturally.

Matt McGinn Recording: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAFqFAWwteA