THE FIDDLER DIED
(? name lost)

There once was a famous harper
who's harp could not be sharper
He played through all of Scot the land
for Dukes and Chiefs and such....

One day there came a fiddler
who's instrument was little-er
He played so loud, and was so proud...
He sniffed; "The harp's not much"

(spoken) - Well now - there's one thing you have to understand about traditional harpers. They all tend to have a wee bit of a temper. Needless to say..., there was a brief, but violent, off stage interlude...

(sung chorus)
the Fiddler died and it was just
For the fiddler was an annoying cuss
Hey Ho the fiddler died!

And when they found him murdered,
and guessed who might have murdered
They came to the Harper straight way through
and looked him in the eye!

He smiled and gave them whiskey
Was chipper and was frisky
He said: "when you hit someone with a fiddle it hurts...
But when you hit 'em with a harp, they die!"

Chorus:

The trial it was a swift one,
a famous and a fit one
HE stood before the judge so proud
and pretty in his pride

And when the judge heard charges
With solemnity and largess
He struck his gavel to the wood;
"Justifiable homicide!"

Chorus