The lack of non-nautical language reminds me of that old BBC radio series "The Navy Lark". When Lt Phillips brought HMS Troutbridge into dock, you'd get things like "Left Hand down a bit, mind the bonnet, where's the brake ?, lower the under carriage - no that's in a plane isn't it ?". Each of these orders being repeated by CPO Pertwee. There would then be a series of tremendous crashes, rending and scraping noises followed by the sound of things dropping, then silence. The captain would then say something like "Mr Phillips, when you moor Troutbridge two hundred yards inland of the dockside, I think we can do without the customary whoa she bumps !".

Mind you I was once in a Thames lock and lady brought a very large hire-craft in at a silly speed. "Where are the brakes ?" she called to her husband on the lockside. We were all shouting at her to go "hard astern" - "Oh no", she said, "When I took my driving test, the instructor told me never to engage reverse gear until I'd come to a standstill". Thank god it was Romney Lock - one of the longest on the upper Thames.