Whoa up here a minute and let's REALLY get the Gorilla Suit thing right!

If you don't know, "The Great El Swanno" ascends a 90 foot tower wearing fishnet stockings and a half of a gorilla suit. Standing high above the crowd, or at least the 7 or 8 people who show up, Dave rips a massive fart, launches himself into the air, first in the pike position, where he flicks a Zippo and ignites the assgas. At this point he assumes the classic Swan Dive position and rockets down, landing into a fire helmet filled with lime jello. I guess it's a living........

Half a Gorilla Suit or no, things don't always go right. The other night, another in a series of accidents has caused me to wonder if it's worth it, but I suppose to each his own and this dumsumbitch seems to enjoy it. It seems a matronly lady had been seated in the first row and was expecting something more along the lines of Greg Louganis instead of some weird Rocky the Flaming Squirrel routine. Upon seeing Dave, ass belching flame and hurtling towards her, she sprang from her chair inadvertently flinging her mink neckpiece off as she did so. As El Swanno rocketed past, the mink was in mid-air also and thus set on fire as it came in line with his fiery bumcheeks. He landed in the fire helmet and the lime jello successfully but as he arose to take his bows he saw the flaming mink lying on the ground. This was when the problem occurred.

Dave mistakenly thought something had gone horribly awry and the burning hair was the remnants of his "Firefighter's Handlebar 'Stache," one of those things worn by many in the profession which frankly look more like something that would be growing around the ball sack of an aging yak instead of on a person's upper lip. He started to hop out of the fire helmet to save his 'stache, but his rotting fishnets caught on a helmet strap and he fell hard, twisting his ankle. The woman is suing for her mink and damages to her mental health, but although his ankle is hurting, his yak nut moustache is intact.........for better or for worse.

As for Mick, I saw an article in the Fort Wayne News saying that a man had been arrested for parading around in a potato stuffed thong singing some butchered words to an old Do-Wop song sounding like, "Shimmee, Shimmee, Koko Puff" ..............I'm sure this was Mick as the report also said the guy had stuffed the potato in the back of the thong instead of the front thus making it appear he was taking a dump.

Spaw