This is all a tissue of lies (hand me a tissue of lies, darling). How can I forbear to bare all, as is my wont when wanted, but love will out, even without the very important transfer of funds awaiting only the sayso of a gentleman. My late husband, El Snuffi, as he was known to the travelling marachi band that he travelled throughout our extensive kingdom with, to the delight of many and the envy of others, met (can the next words pass my lips without a shudder of delight) Big Mick, when he was merely So-So Mick, during the initial phase of Lane, Fielding, Patterson, and Swan, when they were working on their circus acts, culminating, as has accurately been portrayed by Monsieur Patterson (revealing certain trade secrets which by rights he should be horsewhipped or at least meringued for) in the famous El Swanno dive, which in the earlier days was much less, how can one put it, Baroque. The potato thong was an outgrowth (ingrowth?) of experiments in daring, but that was long after my initial exposure to the charms of those lissome heroes. Anyway, among the desires of this group of semi-desperados, there arose a clamour for a gorilla. Detractors have suggested that the need for a gorilla was to jack up the IQ and manners of the performing quartet, but fie to that, I say, who knew them when. Now it is one of the perks of Sierra Leopardi that gorillas abound, indeed they abound all over the place, it is hard to keep them still. As the consort of El Snuffi, and a woman through whom ancient Inca blood still courses, I took it upon myself to assist these trepid adventurers, and advised them to snare a gorilla through temptation, i.e. to dress up in gorilla costumes and "woo the simian" (a phrase my beloved Snuffi used to use in the unlamented days before people went over viagra in a barrel). So clothed, the foursome moved out into the jungle that abuts the capitol of Sierra Leopardi, in search of gorillas. Through a series of accidents, which only a substantial committment to the bank transfer would force me to divulge, one of the party of four (Designate him Gorilloid #1, i.e. Swan) in a moment of confusion, fell deeply in love with Gorilloid #2 (i.e. So-so Mick), assuming said Gorilloid #2 was in fact the gorilla his dreams. This is a Superglue bond that they have been fighting ever since, as have I, since -- in spite of Australian hussies without gold bullion certificates in a trust account awaiting the proper guaranteeds -- I too bonded on that occasion with Gorilloid #2, and have been holding a suppurating heart ever since.

yours naked before the world,

Susan Atahualpa Ohooroombalalaroobalalasisboomba.