Something like that purportedly came from Dr Johnson. He was in Scotland (he didn't think highly of the Scottish) when the horse-drawn coach he was riding in ran over a farmer's rooster. The farmer recognized Johnson as the good Dr took the dead rooster over to him. He said, "Sir, I've killed your rooster and I'd like to replace him." The farmer replied, "Suit yourself. The hens are around the back."

But that's not the story. Johnson stopped at a dining establishment in Scotland (pub?). When the meal was served, he remarked to the waitress that the food was "Ill killed, ill prepered, ill served and fit for pigs." The young lady said, "Thank you Dr Johnson. And would you be after having some more?"

Wish I had a personal one to share, but I've never said anything clever. Said a few things I got punched out for, however.