I'm sure you all know with what phrase the road to Hell is paved.

In any case, Joe Offer (is that really your name? I see so many possibilities....), your request/comment has been been duly noted. So without further ado, here are the lyrics to National Embalming School, which is sung to the tune of "O Tannenbaum." (aka "Oh Christmas Tree")

We live for you, we die for you National Embalming School And when you die, we dig a hole And put you in, to turn to mold We live for you, we die for you National Embalming School.

Now, since you've all been so good, some other treats. This next is a Clean Song, but not the one involving the mermaid (the very one which first drew me to this esoteric little forum). I have no idea which respectable song was raped of its melody for this perversion, but I'm sure it's in the public domain.

We're clean, we're clean, the Vatican says we're clean. We're good and sweet and kind and nice We did no harm to Jesus Christ We're clean, we're clean, the Vatican says we're clean.

So take your brother by the hand, and let's all shout, "It's grand, it's grand!" Absolved, absolved, the problem is all solved.

Here are the lyrics to the liverwurst song -- look up Allan Sherman if you want a reliable source--

When you go to the delicatessen store Don't buy the liverwurst Don't buy the liverwurst Don't buy the liverwurst Let me repeat what I just said before Don't buy the liverwurst Don't buy the liverwurst.

Oh buy the corned beef if you must The pickled herring you can trust The pastrami puts you in orbit A-okay (A-okay!) But that big hunk of liverwurst Has been there since October 1st And today is the 23rd of May.

P.S: To whomever asked about Roll Me Over...the lyrics you're thinking of are the same that I learned at age 4. As I said, it was a dysfunctional family.

Tim: To my knowledge, "Poisoning Pigeons" is a Tom Lehrer classic. I'd have to check to see if he was in fact the author, but his other efforts would seem to indicate that he was the guilty party.