That randy young couple named Kelly
Are now married buttocks to belly
For they, in their haste,
Applied library paste,
Instead of petreoleum jelly

There was a young lady from Dee,
With a hymen was divided in three
And when she was diddled,
The middle string fiddled:
Nearer My God To Thee

The new cinematic emporium
Is not just a super sensorium,
But a highly effectual,
Heterosexual
Mutual masterbatorium!