Two Bears my friend, welcome to Mudcat. There is a diversity of beliefs and solid experience in this community; I think you will find that you will be welcomed to be part of that and to offer any wisdom you feel you have gained in life, to share.

I see that you have a particular gift of compassionate helpfulness. I write in the hope that such a spirit desires to grow in helpfulness and I offer some background experience in such matters, to enlarge your view of Mudcat just slightly, so that your gifts might be used most effectively.

I would like to encourage you to be very restrained about commenting on the appropriateness of individuals' advice/sharing in threads such as these. In a forum like Mudcat, a comment can become the spark for a debate, and debates have (too often) devolved into division and acrimony. Many Mudcat threads are fine examples of this, when topics seem to invite this. It's not unusual to see broad and energetic debate and the tools of rhetoric or exhortation employed freely and with great relish. But that kind of communication distracts from the spirit of open supportiveness that should characterize a topic like this one, and Raptor's, started with such personal intensity. Those of us who have been here for some time have learned to avoid debating what might be most helpful, because some of us have learned the hard way, at great cost, the result of preaching any particular view.

On the other hand, this is a community woven in diversity, by people who have the luxury of being able to know one another well for some time, in an atmosphere where we trust people to use what is helpful to them and simply discard the rest.... there is an atmosphere of expecting people to think well for themselves about what they need, and also of expecting people to share openly whatever they think might be helpful when support is asked.

What has usually proved most helpful is that folks have simply offered their own perspective, and I encourage you to do that. People for whom your perspective resonates as personally applicable will tune in; you can trust that in such circumstances, people will be in communication with you privately.

~Susan