Pennie Luv, if you really are up the duff then I reckons I know someone wot can get yer sorted out for about a monkey. One of my friends in the retirement 'ome (more like a bleedin' slammer these days) is a lady called Elizabeth what has 'ad some medical experience - she worked in Boots until they caught 'er nickin' fings.
Any'ow she's got a magic touch wiv' one of them old-fashioned button 'ooks, athough she often uses a bit o' wire coat 'anger these days. Mindyer she got in a row wiv Matron last time caus she pinched the coat hanger out of the arial socket on 'er old jam-jar. Loose Liz is quite an expert on being up the duff an' all - it was a sorta occupational 'azzard in er ol' job.