Actually Geoff, I've spent too much time in horsepissals the past 6 years and the only plus is that I have about 6 hours worth of material now!

Like, have you noticed how many docs and nurses use "we" when they mean YOU? Some dumpy and homely nurse asks if "we" are ready for a bath......"Not with you Honey!!!!"

Are we in much pain? "I dunno'......You look pretty happy and chipper but I hurt like hell asshole!!!"

And speaking of pain, they are now real big on having you "rate" your pain on a 1 to 10 scale. Here's a tip: Let them know you are in a LOT of pain now, even if you aren't, and rate it a 3. They'll note this and actually give you something decent when you later say 6! Saying 9 will cop you a quality buzz. If you start too high or tell them the truth, the chances of getting anything even moderately effective are about the same as discovering the very first Martin D-28 in your attic.

I have also concluded that anyone who does any procedure short of major surgeries should have to experience the thing first. Ever hear of a T.E.E.? That stands for Trans-Esophageal-Echocardiogram. This is a real fun test where they do a sonigram of your heart but to get a better look, do it by looking through the esophagus. Imagine a flexible tube about three-eighths of an inch in diameter (with ridges). They numb your throat to inhibit the gag response then insert the tube and work t around for about 10 minutes. This is unbelievable......it still makes you want to gag and your throat really takes a beating. But rest assured some friggin' person will say, "Just relax....it will only be worse if you fight it." Fight it?? Geeziz, I'm trying to relax and I'm not fighting it....but for some odd reason or another my body is demanding that I BREATHE! After it was over I asked if the anyone in the room including the Doc had ever had one of these and none had!

Ever have potassium through an IV? It's a caustic substance for gawdsake, but your body needs it. So just before a surgery, they find I am much too low and rather than reschedule, they give it to me IV and push it. An IV push can be a problem with anything, but potassium needs to go in slowly because the faster it goes in the more the caustic effect......you can feel your body getting warmer. The more the push the hotter it gets and in my case they were up to a flow rate that, I kid you not, made me feel as if my circulatory system was on fire. I have no way of describing this but it was the beyond pain! The nurse says she knows it is "probably" a "bit" painful.   Karen was there and she knows I can take a lot of pain and she realized I wasn't kidding when I said this was the worst. She managed to convince them to back off. I ask both nurses then in the room and after they had adjusted for a slower flow rate if either of them had ever had this and neither of course had.

BTW, if you are told they need to make a draw for "Arterial Blood Gases"...an ABG...DEMAND the best phlebotomist in the place and if the one you get can't get a good draw in three minutes or less, raise hell. Get up and demand another tech..........You'll know why...

Spaw