Dearest Cletus, my dear Cletus,

It is a good thing you wrote to me for advice. C'spaw has entered an alternative realm of possibility which means the chances of him ever coming back into this dimension are limitless. I don't think it will do any good for Karen to contact the NYCFTTS, as they are not equipped to handle such contact with persons afflicted by figmentosus faerius. This is serious. It is important that none of you startle Spaw while he is in this state, nor while he is in any other state, including A-hia. The best thing you can do is walk away, very softly, without turning your back to him. Don't scratch, either, because just that little annoyance may set him off.

Tell Karen, the poor woman, she should set out his favourite dish on the hearth, tonight, along with his favourite ale or other drink. Surround that with photographs of his favourite people and places, esp. that one of Cleigh O'Possum in his international diplomatic role...you know, the one where he so graciously allowed that foreigner, Fielding, to blow up his derriere. Hopefully when he focuses his eyes on these familiar sites, he will warp left, spiral up, and touch down in this dimension.

It is obvious he has suffered from a total shift in reality. What he thought existed does not, for him, and what he believed to be a figment has been made manifest. As his was such a doubting nature coupled with hostility, it could be that he is faking this whole episode of figmentosus dementia for fear that he will be offered a plate of black feathers and various other avian delights. If this proves to be the case.....scratch away, call in the boyz, let them at the rosewood, Holly-wood, and any other wood he has, tell Karen to take away the goodies. When he's had enough isolation, he'll come round and you'll see, he'll be his old self in no time.

Now, on the other hand, if he really is suffering from an afflication of communicado faerio, you will need to send me a prepaid, round trip airline ticket, as well as one to various other members of our Crack Tipling Possum Intervention Team. It will be necessary for us to perform not only an exorcism of all spirits ale, but also to confiscate the religious icon he seems to have become so orally fixated on. It could get ugly, his head may do a 180 on his body. Best that Karen take the little boyz and go back to Kentuck for the duration. We will see what we can do. Send the Big Boyz to lay in a good supply of provisions, install heavy duty locks on all the windows and doors, and prepare to guard against interruptions while we plunge the depths of the Psyche That Was Spaw. You will also have to send a ticket to Fast Eddie, as Spaw will have to be confronted with the reality of his existence, surreal or not, alternative dimension or not.

Until we can determine the best course of action, I remain your only alternative to real life,

katlaughingallinyourhead, PhD Faerius Figmentosus