A friend who teaches at a school in Peterlee, Co Durham told me about a young girl in her class who wrote in an essay about "What I did at the weekend" how every morning, before mummy gets up, daddy stands at the back door and pisses in the garden.
When the parents came to the schools parents-evening to discuss their childs progress they were invited to look through her work and, on reaching this particular entry, fell about with laughter.
It turns out that the family own a cat who likes to be out every evening and each morning daddy, with a bowl of food at the ready, stands at the back door and calls the cat in......."Pss, Pss, Pss"