While traipsing through the Mudcat archive, I came across this forgotten bit of poetry which I deemed worthy of MOAB!:


Subject: A poem by Spaw???
From: GUEST,khandu - PM
Date: 31 Jan 01 - 07:37 PM

This is exciting!
In an old curio shop in Memphis, I found an old magazine. It certainly wasn't the type of mag that I, khandu, would subscribe to; however, having never heard of it before, I purchased it. It was an oddly put-together mag, very limp. It was titled "LESSER MEN- the magazine for the not-so-well endowed". This issue was dated 11-79 and featured "Readers Responses".

I came across this poem near the front of the mag. It was written by "Anon. from Ohio".

It sounds like Spaw to me!

Spaw, you are a wonderful poet! You should share your poetry with your fellow Catters!

So without further ado, A Poem by Spaw:

"ODE TO MY PHALLUS

O Phallus, my phallus, why art thou so teeny?

T'would be a Prize, if ye were even half the size

Of an Oscar Meyer weinie.

O phallus my phallus, why art thou so teeny


They taught me much, they taught me well

To mine own self be true

To do my own thing

Alas, my own thing is much too little to do

O Phallus my phallus why art thou so wee

T'would give me much pleasure if thou wouldst only measure

At least two inches, or three

O Phallus, my Phallus

Why art thou so wee

I saw her there, so beautiful and fair

I was filled with desire

To stoke her lust into a bright flame,

Into a raging fire.

Sweet words, wine ,and poetry

Music so soft,

Surely that would do the trick

She giggled and tittered

Then she guffawed

"I've not even seen a candle with such a small wick!"

Have I angered the ancients, those powerful gods

Who created this kit'n'kaboodle

That they should give others such wonderful rods

And leave me with this pitiful noodle.

O Phallus, my Phallus

Why art thou so damned short!

The End"

I, khandu, of course, cannot relate to the problem expressed in the poem. Yet, I am moved by his sense of futility and inadequacy.

You are good, Spaw.

khandu