Upon reaching his seat on the airplane, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
   "Whatcha lookin' at, asswipe?" squawks the parrot.
   "Nothing. Sorry." answers the man looking away.
    When the stewardess comes around, the man asks for a coffee with one cream and one sugar. And the parrot flaps his wings and blats out "And you can get get me a gin and tonic, sweet tits!"
   The stewardess, flustered, brings back the cocktail for the parrot but forgets the coffee.
   The man politely reminds the stew that she forgot his coffee. And the parrot drains its glass and bawls "Hey! You should smile for the customers, baby! And show a bit more cleavage. And while you're at it, you can bring me another gin and tonic, bitch."
   Quite upset now, the girl comes back shaking with another drink for the parrot, but still no coffee.
   "Excuse me, my coffee?" asks the man, getting irritated by the parrot's preferential treatment.
   "And one more drink, ya gussied-up crack-ho!" squawked the parrot. "This time, try getting a little gin in it!"
   Once again, the drink for the parrot comes, but the thouroughly flustered stewardess forgot the man's coffee again.
   The man decides to try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you three times for a coffee, you dizzy bitch. Now go and get it right goddamn now or I'll have them fire your dumb ass!"
   She rushes off and a few moments later, both the man and the parrot have been hauled up out of their seats and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
   Plunging together towards the ground at an acceleration of 9.8 meters per second per second (I remember my high school Physics), the parrot cocks a feathery eyebrow at the man and says "You're pretty nervy for a guy with no wings, asshole!"