After a night singing my little heart out in a smokey pub I throw up and spew green and yellow phlem all over the wife's new wilton and usually shit myself before I reach the bog plus my testicals ache like a football's been booted into them. I think it's stopped me making babies and the wife's getting suspicious when I douse myself in petrol to get rid of the stale 'shag' fumes on me parka. Having said that some of my best friends smoke and want me to die at the same time as them. How thoughtful.