From the "wrong" side of the bar ...


Drinkers who, no matter how long they have been waiting to be served, say "Errrrrm ....", and who take five minutes to make up their mind what they want to drink, with everyone else waving tenners and apparently dying of thirst.

The customer who asks, "What flavour crisps do you have ?", makes you rummage through all the boxes and announce every obscure flavour before asking for "Plain".

The ones who say, "Oh, and a pint of Guinness, please", at the end of the order. Guinness takes several minutes to pour, it is like watching paint dry. Why couldn't they ask for it at the start of the order, so we can let it pour while pulling everything else.

The ones who disappear from the pub to answer their mobiles while you try and ask whether they want anything else, collect the money or proffer change.

And the ones who stand, oblivious to polite requests, blocking the hatch leading from behind the bar to in front of it. I can postpone collecting empty glasses, but I have to get down to the cellar to change barrels now. Just you stand there like a lump a bit longer, mate. I'll show you what being a prop forward is about.

Enough. Perhaps I won't need to do the job much longer.