Dammit, the kazoo was the ace up my sleeve!
(Actually, I forgot the kazoo for the Portaferry meet, but replaced it with a more effective form of terror - my fiddle... I will be bringing that to the People's Republic of 'Ull, as the Greg the Oil Baron postively encourages wanton beginners' fiddlin'. I reckon 10 sets of the few polkas I know will blast the whelks into submission.)