Minds me o the traditional lines o the "Quack Doctor" character in maist o the Sassun (English) Mummers' Plays. The doctor's introductory speech gaes sumpit like this:

"In comes I, a Doctor. I've been to Italy, Spitaly, France & Spain, three times 'round the world & back again. With my skill, I can cure any ill: lovesick maidens, jealous husbands, and squalling wives...
I can cure pains within and pains without, Ipsy, Pipsy, Goiter & Gout... And in my inside-outside-backside pocket, I have a little bottle of Elly-cam-pane that can make an old crippled woman of 95 dance the hornpipe, conceive & bear twins!"

The lines ne'er lose their humour, as ilka generation haes snake-oil peddlers o their ain. (By the by, elecampane isnae jist quack medicine. It haulds a richt respectable place in the physick-kist o auld, an is usit by modern herbalists as weel.)

--Cuilionn