Hi gang,

When one performs in a pub you inevitably will get a nasty heckler, someone shouting insensibly for a song. Sometimes you just can't get an audience to applaud no matter how hard you try. Or sometimes, even with a great audience, you try some audience participation and find that it falls flat and no one will join in.

So, QUESTIONS:
What's your favourite insult? Your favourite comeback? Your favourite way to goad an audience?

When I try and get an audience to participate and they won't I'll try the old Tommy Makem line, "Join hands and contact the living!" or just stop and murmur in exasperation, "God sakes, I'm playing for Presbyterians again!"

A pal of mine was once confronted with an audience member who kept goading him. Finally my friend turned to the guy and said, "What's your problem? Do I come over to where you work and tell you how to sweep a broom?" On another occasion, when a group of drunken louts starting demanding a song and he couldn't make out what they were saying in the din of noise he responded, "I'm sorry. I can't understand what you're saying. I don't speak shitface!"

So, what are the lines y'all use?

Len Wallace