A Scottish Jew who had worked hard all his life in Edinburgh decided that he would like to enjoy life a little, so he went to the exclusive St. Andrews Club. He was told on applying that his application would have to be approved by the Membership Board and that he would receive their decision in a couple of days.
   Two days later he was told that his application was refused. He went to the club and asked why.
   The reply was another question: "Well, you're Jewish, aren't you?"
   "Aye, so I was born here, " he answered, "But I'm Scottish as you are yourself."
   "Well, you understand that we wear our kilts regimental style," he was told, "With nothing on underneath but God's own clean air."
   "Aye, all ken that right enough."
   "And, being Jewish, you're bound to be circumcised?"
   "Aye, I am that."
   "Well," the official explained, "The Board decided that the membership would not tolerate a circumcised man parading around with us."
   "Och! Away with ye, man!" the Jew cried. "I know I need to be a Protty to march in the Orangemans' Parade, and a Catholic to belong to the Knights of Columbus, but this is the first I've heard that a man has to be a complete prick to be a Scot!"