A weiner dog is Mother Nature's noblest creation (with a little help from human beings)...the Dachshund! Your typical weiner dog is short and long at the same time, which is very cosmic. He's "a living contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction, takin' every wrong direction on his lonely way back home". He is both comical and courageous. He is ready to die by gluttony at any available opportunity, and would rather sleep than do almost anything at all...except EAT! He believes that stolen food always tastes better than one's own food. He believes he's getting a raw deal, and missing out on the action. He regards all rodents as totally expendable. He knows that sitting up is so irresistible that you will definitely give him the roast turkey if he just does it long enough. He knows that the nose knows all that is worth knowing.

- LH