Fred - Sue B. is absolutely right. There is something very charming about men who have been fried by children and manage to keep their sense of humour. Why in the world would you take care of another baby, too? As to the cucumber...

Turn on the music, sit back, close your eyes and put the sliced cucumber on you eyelids.

If that doesn't work, crawl under the table (with a good book) and pull all the chairs around you to make a sort of cage for yourself. When the kids come around to try to figure out what you're doing, gently fling the sliced cucumbers at them, one at a time. Do not speak or look at them, just continue to read as if it were a normal thing to do. They lose interest quickly and resume playing with their Lego and dolls and other things they can control.

P.S. I am a grade 2 teacher. Although I would not attempt this with my students, it worked very well at home. :>)