Alricht, it's nae ower-wairdy nor sae eloquent as the previous posts, but Ah've set ma hand tae screevin, an here's what ma puir feshed kist o brains cam up wi. Try singin it oot... Ah think it scans aye weel!
Here ye gae-- noo Ah'll run aff, afore ye stairt tossin things at me!
   --Cuilionn

GNOME-BODY WOES
(Tune: "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen")
Gnome-body Woes-- A trouble obscene!
Gnome-Body Shows-- with teasers!
Gnome-Body Shows-- The trouble we've seen!
Gory, How egregious!!

Some gnomes stick up, some gnomes hang down
So I've heard...
Some plow others on the ground--
Oh, My Word!

Gnome-bodies seen-- by tots and teens!
Gnome-bodies seen-- by geezers!
Barin' theirselves-- to bobby & Queen--
Oh, cover 'em, to please us!

Tony's Gnomes were bold and brash
So we've heard...
So we knit each a wee wee sash:
Gnomes we gird!

Gnome-body clothes--with polka-dots green!
Gnome-body clothes--two-piecers!
Gnomes would rather "begin the Beguine..."
But knickerless gnomes unease us!


Tho' Gnomes in nature unclad go,
So I've heard...
That Gnomenclature had to go!
Oh, My Word!

Gnome-bodies stowed--so decent, their bods!
Gnome-bodies stowed--praise Jee-zus!
Once odd in the sod, now closer to God
In Gnome-shorts and chemises!