O Reverend Twobyfour pleeze help my pore dumbasst self to reclaim the rightful path...I iz a pitimous sinner and habv frequented this godawful road at MOAB sinse the conception, which had no virgins involved whatsomever thet I culd tell. It iz a pit of awful sin and corrumption and I am ready for the river to warsh away the filf and decay on my pore performated soul.

How much will it cost me and kin you take a tattered Visa card to git the job done? I kin tell thet you are a man obv great compassion, mercy, forgibness and general good will tward obther childern obv the Lord.

Yerz,
Tweed