THE MIDGES

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

1. The Lord put the Garden of Eden on earth,
And it's north of the Tweed, we believe,
Aye, Scotland's the place, and the whole human race,
Started of with MacAdam and Eve!
In six days or under, he finished this wonder,
Except for the Forth and Tay Bridges,
Then always a bloke for a practical joke,
He made Scotland the home of the midges!

2. Back in 1314, proud Edward was keen,
To take Scotland into his care,
But he made a U-turn when he reached Bannockburn,
Just a few weeks before Glasgow Fair!
The midges let loose by King Robert the Bruce,
Straight into the English they tore,
So they ran off in tears, and for six hundred long years,
They've been blocking the A74!

3. Now never forget, when the sun's going to set,
And the midges arise on Loch Eck,
Like the vampires you see, played by Christopher Lee,
They'll give you a pain in the neck!
You can smack them and whack them; in vain you'll attack them,
They know every move that you make,
If you manage to kill yin, another half million,
Are ready tae come tae the wake!

4. Now Torquil the piper's a giant of a man,
With a sporran as long as your arm,
And in Oban he's known, for the sound of his drone,
And a pibroch of real highland charm!
But they're sighing and sobbing, the ladies of Oban,
Torquil is not what he was,
Since a midge in Glenbranter, got hold of his chanter,
And carried it off in its jaws!


As recorded by Kenneth McKellar. Date not given. Tune similar to Matt McGinn's "Red Yo-yo".
1. River Tweed: regarded as Scottish /English border
2. "Simmit' (semmet) = vest.
3. Battle of Bannockburn (24 June 1314), Scots defeated English.
4. Proud Edward = Edward II (1284- 1327), King of England, invaded Scotland.
5. Glasgow Fair. The traditional Glasgow holiday: two weeks in July – height of midge season!
6. Robert the Bruce (1274-1329), King Robert I of Scotland. Victor of Bannockburn.
7. A74 = main west-coast road between Scotland and England. Now the M74. (Motorway).
8. Loch Eck is in Argyll.
9. Christopher Lee = actor, often played Dracula.
10. "Yin" = "one"
11. Oban = town in Argyll.
12. "Pibroch" = bagpipes.
13. Glenbranter = Glen in Argyll, near Loch Eck.
14. "Chanter" = bagpipe part.