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CHEEKY LOUISIANA LAW BANS PANTS THAT SHOW BUTT CRACK
04/23/04   NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana

The Louisiana legislature passed a bill this week forbidding Louisianans from wearing pants that expose the wearer's underwear or buttocks.

The bill, aimed at teens who mimic the low-riding pants of pop music stars like Nelly and Britney Spears, has already had some unforeseen consequences, beginning with a lawsuit by the Plumber's Union (PU) Local 327.

"Butt crack exposure is a non-negotiable issue for our members," explained PU shop steward Dirk Valley. "It's an integral part of who we are as plumbers. You might as well ask cocktail waitresses to cover their cleavage. Or Kirk Douglas to cover his cleft chin."

Bill sponsor Prudence "Prude" Shepherd told our RealStupid reporter that "the community is outraged" by young men who expose the top of their boxer shorts and young women who expose their butt cracks. But an informal poll suggests otherwise; nine out of ten Louisianans surveyed neither support nor oppose the law, but rather "Don't Care."

Among those who do care are an outspoken group of civil libertarians. The National Organization for Constitutional Liberties Unlimited (NOCLU) has promised to aggressively fight the new law, claiming that butt cleavage exposure is "exactly the kind of free expression envisioned by our Founding Fathers when they designed the Bill of Rights."

Also strongly opposing the law are all straight males between 13 and 19 years of age, dirty old men, and the makers of Doctor Derriere's Antiseptic Butt Floss.

Louisiana native Britney Spears has thrown her weight behind the opposition in a characteristically shrewd way--she's bankrolling a Brooke Shields-inspired anti-drug public service campaign that features her butt crack and the message, "Lips that smoke crack, will never touch mine."

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