Oh, King Khandu! I have put said cheque or check into the care of the United States Postal Service. I will let the amount be a surprise to you, but I think that you will find it handsome indeed, being well into the seven-figure range (to the left of the decimal point, too).

Yes, I had to remortgage my home to raise the money. My beloved trumpet is in the hands of the pawnbrokers. My books are sold, I am taking in boarders, and I'm only drinking really cheap beer which I suspect has been already used. I sold my car and all but one pair of shoes, and I'll be walking to work (four and half miles uphill both ways, but worth every step). My hound dawg is only getting table scraps that I'm finished with, as we now beg our food from door to door, and her puppies have been sold. I've sold the grass in the yard to a local rancher for hay. The water, gas, and telephone have been shut off so that I could have more money to send. Tonight I will go forth and sell my body; earlier today I sold my a quart of blood and one kidney.

All this I have done and I'll be doing more as I think it up.

Curse that Melissa, who led me down the Primrose Path! May her tires fall off and her children grow up to be disappointments to her!