musicmic, your collection would not be complete without this compilation song made up of country music titles, written by Martin Pearson (a very funny man) and John Thompson (currently of Cloudstreet). Their performances of this have brought the house down every time. Thanks Sandra for putting it in another thread :-)

THE COUNTRY SONG
c. Martin Pearson & John Thompson

Mama, get the hammer, there's a fly on Papa's head.
I've been roped and thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost corral.
I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me,
But who bit the wart off Grandma's nose?

Chorus: I wanna whip your cow; I wanna whip your cow,
'Cause you just can't play a sad song on a banjo, anyhow.
You done tore out my heart and you stomped that sucker flat.
You made toothpicks from the timbers of my heart.

If the jukebox took teardrops, I'd cry all night long.
You stuck my heart in an old tin can and shot it off a log.
Well, I guess if you can't feel it, then it ain't really there,
And the last word in lonesome is "me."

Repeat chorus

If I can't be number one in your life, number two on you.
I can't get over you, 'til you get out from under him.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here,
So I flushed you down the toilet of my heart.