Well, now, let's not be too hard on Marty. It must be admitted that he does have fairly lucid moments from time to time. For example:

It was some years after he had emerged from the Dumpster and attempted to pass as human that he was arrested in a rural area outside of Chicago and charged with lewd and lascivious conduct. Unable to find any of his usual chickens or sheep, he discovered himself passing a pumpkin patch. He explained to the judge that, "A pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and I didn't think there was anyone around for miles." Marty went on to say that he picked out a particularly attractive pumpkin, one that turned him on, and that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to. . . .

So much in love was he that he didn't even see the Cook County police cruiser pull up, the door open, and Officer Brenda MacDougall get out and walk up to him. She watched him for awhile, not knowing whether to be totally disgusted or to laugh her head off. Finally, she said, "'Excuse me, but do you realize that you're screwing a pumpkin?"

Startled, he dropped the pumpkin, which shattered messily on the blacktopped road, and stood there like a deer literally caught in the headlights with his fly unzipped and his glory displayed to all the world. Bewildered for a moment at getting caught in the act, but (as we all realize by now) having never known an emotion like embarrassment, he had a sudden flash of sheer brilliance.

"A pumpkin!!??? " he said, as if shocked and surprised. "Ye gods! Is it midnight already!!???"

They booked him anyway.

Don Firth