Incontrovertible evidence that America takes the Republican so-called "Swift Boat" assault against Kerry as seriously as, well:

"When they say they served with Kerry in Vietnam, what they really mean is that they were in Vietnam at the same time. Kind of like how Snoopy served with the Red Baron" --Jon Stewart, on the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth, who have attacked Kerry's military service record.

"A controversial new book claims that John Kerry laughed while burning enemy villages and slaughtering animals. I don't buy it — Kerry laughing?" —Craig Kilborn

"At the convention John Kerry showed up with all his Vietnam crewmates. And not to be outdone, next month at the Republican Convention George W. Bush is going to show up with all his college drinking buddies." —David Letterman

"The Democrats are very proud of John Kerry's service record. And they choose those words carefully. They always say 'decorated war hero.' And let me tell you why they do that. They always say 'hero' because that appeals to women. Women like that — hero. 'War' — that appeals to men. They relate to that — war. And 'decorated,' that gets in the gay vote." —Jay Leno

"The prisoner scandal is yet another election year problem for President Bush. And, with the economy still struggling, combat operations in Iraq dragging on, and the 9-11 hearings revealing damning information, even an opponent of limited political skill should be able to capitalize on those problems. The Democrats, however, chose to nominate John Kerry." --Jon Stewart