Thanks again........lots of good thoughts here and I am SO wanting to take it all in and use it.

Food...lots of water? Gross..it's not gonna stay.
Blood sugars? Running 377 and up.....no food going in...just the body absolutely freaked out...I am monitoring this and taking the fast acting insulin only as I can't predict for the long term right now.

As far as Veronica's picture.....I have put away all but 2 photos of her. I just can't look at her right now....makes me cry, makes me angry, frustrated and just generally wipes me out. I have cleaned out all the dressers in her bedroom. Her toys are all in her room to be packed up on a day when I can sit and cry. My friend offered to come help me sort it all out and I will take her up on it. For now, all Veronica's belongings are going into storage because I just can't have it here. I have ripped up 2 photos of her mother.

Calling my pastor....well, I wrote to him and he wrote back. I'd talk to him if I had any clue as to what to say..but I just don't. As can be clearly seen, I am all over the place and yet feel like I am in hiding.

Given my choice in the matter, I'd stay home, take care of my husband, animals and house and the rest of the world could take a flying leap.

Thanks for all the thoughts, advice and understanding. I'm working on it....

My plan is to send out a card to Veronica tomorrow telling her that we have been thinking of her and hoped her first day of 7th grade went well. I am also going to send her a photo of the sonogram of my friend (who is having twins) as Veronica was SO excited about the new baby to come....she left before we knew it was twins....I'm sure that will bring about that sweet smile.

Michelle