Borrowing from Judaic culture.... background pasted below.

1. Whose death/loss do you mourn?
2. What is the anniversary of loss?
3. Are there any special ways you commemorate the loss at the anniversary, and how does this help you?
4. What help from fellow Mudcatters would you appreciate at that time?

This thread is a place to post answers to the above. Probably not the best place for people to post responses of sympathy.

I'll start us off.
1. My identical twin sister.
2. Lost in utero at about 5 months' gestation, around Christmas.
3. I recognize the cycle of it replaying in present time in my life, choose to see how present time is actually very wonderful, say goodbye again, and notice how the cycle is different each year in terms of how it hits me and where I am in the grieving/moving on process.
4. Realize that sometimes it's affecting me and since its effect is different each year, realize that I my be struggling with a new piece I don't manage well yet.

~Susan

===============================================================

Q. What is a Yahrzeit?
From Lisa Katz WARNING: POP-UPS ABOUND

A. Yahrzeit is a commemoration of the death of a Jew by a mourner (the child, sibling, spouse or parent of the deceased).

The date of the Yahrzeit, which is calculated according to the Hebrew calendar, is the anniversary of the death, not the burial.

The anniversary of the death of a loved one is naturally a solemn day, and Judaism helps the mourner experience this pain and and also honors the memory of the deceased via Yahrzeit rituals.

The main expression of the Yahrzeit is reciting the Mourner's Kaddish prayer. Lighting a Yahrzeit candle, a special memorial candle that burns for 24 hours, is another Yahrzeit practice. Only one Yahrzeit candle needs to be lit per household. Some people use an electric bulb instead of a candle today for safety reasons. The Yahzeit candle should be lit after dark on the evening before the anniversary of the death and burn for a full 24 hours. Many people visit the graves of the deceased on the Yahrzeit. Some people observe Yahrzeit by fasting.

While Jews have observed Yahrzeit since Talmudic times, the ceremony wasn't called Yahrzeit until the 16th century. The word comes from the German word Jahrzeit, a word used by the Christian Church for the occassion of honoring the dead.

In Judaism, Yahrzeit aids those in mourning and keeps the memory of the deceased alive.

[YAHRZEIT is also a term used for that part of synagogue worship where the names are recited as the anniversaries of congregants' losses come up in the year, and the term used to describe the list or calendar kept, of losses. ~S~]