More on the 'bus timetable (well, you might be travelling there yourself, some day).
Patmos Timetable 101:
Sit up at the back and pay attention: Amos, put that guitar down, kat, stop talking. There'll be a quiz later…
OK. There is Skala, the port and business centre. 'Bus stop by the ferry dock. Printed board with timetable on,amended in magic marker to cross off high season buses no longer running. On the hill is the Chora, the old capital with the monastery, medieval buildings and views. The coast road goes south to Grikos, passing the end of the road to our accommodation. Just outside Grikos the road branches, one dead end to Grikos, the other goes up the other side of the hill to the Chora. (I won't cover the afternoon/early evening buses north to Kambos, that's the postgrad course!). The timetable says things like Skala-Chora 9.30, Skala-Grikos 9.30, Chora- Grikos 9.45. Grikos -Skala 10.00, Chora-Skala 9.45. The thing to grasp is THERE IS ONLY ONE 'BUS. These aren't five routes but one circle. Of course sometimes it goes back to where it came from after Grikos (or Chora, or Skala) rather than the circular route. We thought we'd grasped all that BUT: there was a misprint that threw us for a couple of days watching the 'bus go past in the distance. It said Chora-Grikou 9.30 AND Skala- Grikou 9.30. Clearly one of these should have been 9.45 (or 9.15, do you need more paper, Amos?). We decided it was better to have a lie-in and get the 10.00 instead.
Towards the end of the holiday a notice, in Greek only, appeared in the 'bus to announce that these early buses wouldn't run after the start of the school year on the Monday as the bus would be doing the school run (how I translated it any way)first. Another notice appeared in the 'bus on 10th September announcing the new session of English evening classes, enrolment on the 3rd September!
        While I'm on the subject of notices in the 'bus there was one in Greek and English above the driver that you could barely read for the haze from his chainsmoking. It read (you've guessed it) NO SMOKING. Being a Mercedes 'bus it also had a message in German "DO NOT TALK TO THE DRIVER". Well, you couldn't get a word in anyway as he was usually conducting three simultaneous conversations in English, Greek and Italian with different passengers, some at the back of the 'bus which involved turning round as well as gesticulating with both hands. Especially unnerving (see also : Sheila, travel nerves, strong drink needed, later) was when he did this while turning round the 'bus at the Chora avoiding the tour buses, taxis, illegally parked private cars and the sheer drop which he hung over by a couple of feet at either front or back to do the turn. (OK, Sheila, you can open your eyes now). The only thing worse was being in the 'bus bay taking photos of the splendid view over Skala when the air horn in your ear reminded you the 'bus was trying to turn and you were between it and the drop!
        Yes, Sheila is a nervous traveller, and she's very brave to have accepted the hairy landing on Samos four times: once to Samos itself, once en route to Ikaria, once en route to Lipsi and this year to Patmos. Let's just say: short runway ending in the sea, mountains each side, Turkish airspace, cross-winds, reverse thrust braking, need to buy extra worry beads, underpants, stiff drink.
        One thing that unites Greeks and English is our sense of humour and healthy disrespect for politicians.
        Two jokes I heard this time:
The new Prime Minister was so disturbed by reports of nepotism in government that he appointed his cousin to look into it.
        This one links the legendary inefficiency of the Greek Postal service with a news story about a Culture Minister with an illegal antiquities collection. The British Museum are puzzled about the fuss over the Elgin Marbles, they sent them back two years ago, didn't you get them? [PS we've just heard our first real postcard has arrived. We posted at 3 different locations, the box by the bus stop in Grikos, the main postoffice in Skala and the box by the kiosk in Chora, to triple our chances of some getting home before us]
Tip of the week, from an irreverent Greek phrase book: If a Greek prospective father-in-law takes you for a walk behind the barn and asks you if you believe in sex before marriage, the correct answer is NOT "Thank you for the offer but it's your daughter I'm interested in".
Remember, Greece is a very safe country, 70% of all murders are Cretan boundary disputes. The other 30% are probably Greek wives poisoning their mothers-in-law, but that probably counts as justifiable homicide!
RtS