Kendall...hope you are able to take in all the love, affection, admiration and good advice here...if not now, then soon. It is very hard to be threatened with loss of a part of yourself, especially something that you've identified yourself by and with for so many years. Nothing wrong with taking the hit, feeling the pain, going down into dispair...it's all there and has to be dealt with. But given your spirit, and with Jacqui keeping your back, I know you will triumph over this, no matter what the outcome. I send healing thoughts every day...bon courage, mi capitain!