I have returned. Though the path was fraught with danger and terror, though my cell phone got screwed up and and my watchband broke, I escaped.   I managed to return to Idaho, even. So here I am, birthmark and all. But that's okay, because I'm going to have the birthmark removed or at least altered. I mean, when I was growing up it was pretty cool to have Elvis's face on my, ah, derriere but nowadays if I drop trou to show someone they get all hostile. Maybe I'll have it altered to look like someone else, like a map of France or Never-never Land or a horse or something.

Yes, I talk like that all the time or at least some of the time.

Thank you for taking care of Mom.