Here you go:


WHAT CAN YOU GIVE A NUDIST ON HIS BIRTHDAY
(No idea who wrote this, but it was recorded by Gracie Fields)

Oh, dear! I am worried. [Ha-ha-ha-ha!]
I know I'm laughin' really, but I am worried.
It's my brother's birthday and I don't know what to buy him. Oh, dear!

Can I ask you a question, a question that's silly?
It's something I can't figure out. I hope you won't say no.
It's all about me brother, me brother, John Willy.
He's joined a nudist colony so what I want to know—

What can you buy a nudist on his birthday, birthday?
What sought sort of birthday present can you buy?
I can't think what to give 'im, no matter how I try.
Do you think he would be allowed to wear his old school tie? [Ha-ha!]

What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!]
The things I used to buy him would be wrong.
I'd send a cheque but, dash it, how could he go out and cash it? [Ha-ha!]
What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? [Ha-ha!]

What can you give a nudist for his birthday?
What sought sort of birthday present can you buy?
I bought a pair of braces, just like a silly pup,
But what's the good of braces if there's nowt wants holdin' up? [Ha-ha!]

What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!]
I'm sure a bowler hat would be all wrong.
And he's not the kind of fella who would need an umbrella.
Oh, what can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? Oh, dear, dear! [Ha-ha!]

I've been in holy terror the time they that I make an error.
I did think of a camera, but snapshots are taboo.
A bicycle sounds stupid when you're dressed up like cupid.
I must send somethin' soon, and oh, that's why I'm askin' you.

What can you give a nudist on his birthday?
What sought sort of birthday present can you buy?
And here's another riddle, but give it up I won't:
When at a dance, do they wear fancy dress or do they don't?

What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!]
I somehow think that cuff links would be wrong.
And a watch chain would look silly draped across the front of Willy.
What can you give a [Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....]

What can you give a nudist on his birthday?
What sought sort of birthday present can you buy?
I have heard that they play hockey, so something I have got,
But I don't know for certain if they wear shin guards or not.

What can you give a nudist for a present?
A shop girl told me spats would be all wrong.
She said, "Good gracious, madam! Just imagine spats on Adam!" [Ha-ha!]
What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? [Ha-ha-ha!]

Oh, dear, dear! What can I buy? No, let's be—really there is no—honest, what can I buy?
—A lump of soap.
—A lump of soap! Ooh, that's a good idea: a lump of soap! And he's always smoky too. That's good. Thank you very much! [Ha-ha!]


Cheers,

Dave Roberts