Dear Amos,

We are very sorry to hear about the turbulence surrounding your anus. However, none of the currently participating MOABites possess sufficient expertise in matters of an anal nature to assist you with your difficulty. It is strongly suggested that you contact catspaw49 as he is definitely an expert in all things flatulent and fecal. If Spaw is not available, you may want to contact Martin Gibson. We are not sure that M.G. possesses much knowledge about assholes, but we are certain he is one so it would seem likely.