I am really disgusted by that awful magazine! It is an outrage, as Little Hawk said!!! Ridiculous! Vile! Insulting! Nonsensical!

Well, I am just going to ignore it and move on.

The News around here: The election is over (thank heavens!) and our insane neighbour the militia-man, Benton W. Fender, got himself arrested again contesting the results. He feels that the Freedom Now Party (his party which wants to either blow up the rest of the world or wall it off permanently) was artificially shut out of the process by a controlled media. He had converted his apartment into an armed fortress and declared war on George Bush, the IRS, the police, the FBI, the Justice Department, the United Nations, Oprah Winfrey, all Muslims, and most "non-whites" (whatever that means).

It got quite exciting after he did that. He issued a New Declaration of Independence on the weekend and holed up in his apartment with the other 3 people in his party to wait for reinforcements to pour in from faraway places like Idaho and Alabama. An amazing number of Blue Meanies (police) arrived then. We and the other residents evacuated the building and gathered outside on the lawn while the Blue Meanies began making demands with loudspeakers.

Benton W. Fender made counterdemands with his own loudspeaker and played Beethoven, I think. Very loud. It was impressive, but I had the feeling that he had taken on more than he could chew this time.

Well, they yelled and negotiated till about 3 pm on Sunday, and then someone fired a shot and all hell broke loose. Benton W. Fender's apartment looks like a swiss cheese now, all full of holes. It was really a spectacle. They used tear gas and guns and they even had a black helicopter buzzing overhead making a fiendish noise. Dreadful. It reminded me of my flying days.

Benton W. Fender and his party members responed with rocket fire, hand grenades, gunshots, and a thing they launched out the window that looked like a giant banana. It took an erratic course into the air, veering this way and that, while the Blue Meanies ran around yelling and shooting at it. It made a sort of rude sound....like a PLF-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-PPP--GG-F-PTT! Then it exploded, and showered the Blue Meanies with something that looked like banana custard. What a mess. They were really mad about that.

Not long after that Benton W. Fender's 3 friends gave up and surrendered. They ran out waving white flags. I felt kind of sorry seeing him abandoned like that and all alone. Finally the Blue Meanies smashed in his door and managed to capture him alive. They dragged him off screaming "Liberty or Death".

I don't think he'll be back for a year or so this time. That's my guess. Things are going to be much quieter around here.

I saw my archenemy, THE CAT, while out on the lawn, but I was safe in my cage along with my friend Freddy the White Rat. Zoe was keeping an eye on us.

I am really getting a bit old for this sort of excitement, so I am glad that things are quieting down here now.

I also saw the Rich Kid from a distance. He is getting bigger and taller and nastier than ever. That's not good. I fear that he may one day become President of the United States. If so, it will be a black day!