Pauline I dont usually get involved in personal threads, but I was touched by your post .
You sound a good and sincere person and I hope things take a turn for the better in your life.
Im not a religious man but Iv found that in life the bad things you suffer are often compensated in some way.

Coming through these hardships can give you an inner strength and an understanding of the important things in life.
I sincerely hope that you find strength and happiness in the near future...Ake