Variation on a theme

Two musos meet up

One says, Oh god life is good. I was in las Vegas last week on holiday. I'm in the sudience of the Sands, my old mate Tom Jones sees me in the audience, invites me up onstage, I do a couple of my own songs, just me and a piano, then me and guitar, I play both you see.... and you'll never guess. They'offered me month there doing my own show. Great money. You musta have heard about it?

No I didn't

Then I'm in the lounge of The Queen Mary on the voyage back. That woman they did the TV show about, she'd got a bad throat couldn't do the show. I stepped forward, I said Ill do you a few songs, brought the house down, people with tears in their eyes, standing ovations .... you've never seen anything like it! Bloody marvellous! they've said they'll give a gig there. Brilliant money. Did you hear about that?

No sorry I didn't

And you know I was on the way home in the taxi, and I'd been working on some songs. I gave the taxi driver a cd and said , do you mind if I listen to that. And he says no trouble mate. Guess who it is ... only Richard Branson , he does taxi driving for relaxation. he says this is good mate, I'll try and sort you out a record contract. Can I offer a couple of hundred thousand for the option for a week, and I said okay so he whipped out the money there and then, signed me up on the back of his condom packet. It was in THe Sun and Hello Magazine, you mut have heard about it....

No I didn't hear about any of that, you been doing any other gigs since you got back?


Well only this awful one at Hull British legion. They all threw fish at me, that was before they all started fighting, I asked for the money from the secretary and he said here's a deposit mate, and he wiped his arse on me toupe.....

Yeh, I heard about that.