I found the song originally on a cassette put out by BBC Radio Derby called the "Derby Tup". Here goes, bearing in mind this WAS a live performance and the gags were rife!

I've been sent out by the missus
Just to do a bit of shoppin'
In every bloomin' shop
For pickled pork have I been poppin'
I've been in Dunn's the hat shop,
But the wife don't want a bonnet.
She wants a pound of pickled pork
With lots of pimples on it.

But you can't get many pimples on a pound of pickled pork,
Whether it comes from China, or from Asia Minor.
You can go to Pimlico, Chicago or New York,
But you can't get many pimples on a pound of pickled pork.

I stood listening down the street
To several suffragettes a-shoutin'.
I raised me 'at and clapped me 'ands
Each time they started spoutin'.
At last, I says to one old gel,
All eyes and black looks scornin'
"You can get yer man, then get yer vote
Then get let out next mornin'"

But...etc.

(This is where it started to go slightly adrift as the gags seemed to be getting visual, and the next verse (sung extremely slurred) tailed off into slight disarray!)

When I started out this morning
I had sixpence wrapped in paper.
But I've only got three ha'pence now,
The rest has gone in a vapour.
When I get home my stupid (?) little wife
Will start her crockery flinging,

(Pause for gags etc.)

But.... etc.

So that's the best I can do. I think the cassette was originally issued in about 1987, and it was brilliant! It featured others such as Muckram Wakes, Rick Scollins, and Cockersdale to name but a few.

Mouldy

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 1-Dec-02.