When I was young and innocent, way back in 74, I emigrated from Ireland to Australia. I was wide eyed with juvenile wonder and hungry to learn. I went into a butcher shop one day and there was a sign that said 'NO EXPECTORATING' Well I had never heard this word before so I asked the butcher what it meant and he told me it meant "NO FARTING" and I like a fool believed him. This caused no problem until one day (about three years later) I visited the doctor to get a cure for a stomach problem. I explained my problem to the doctor and out of shyness and in an attempt to be polite I didn't use the F word, I told her that I was expectorating alot and that they were very vile smelling. I'll never forget the puzzled look on her face, and when we eventually overcame the confusion, she was helpless with laughter, she couldn't stand up, she was falling about the surgery. I eventually left her rooms, better informed, with a course of anti-biotics, a very, very red face and muttering dark threats against that BOLLOCKS of a butcher. Needless to say I could never go back to face that doctor again.

Fergus