Assuming you're raising children with whom you want to have a good relationship all of their lives, then reexaming those hard-and-fast rules of yours on a regular basis gives them a feeling that as they mature some of the barriers will be lifted. Kids push against rules because they need that framework for security, but also because they want to understand why the rules are still there. It's important for any parent to recognize that once the kids are grown and gone they will only respond to the rules they respect out of deference to you and out of their own self-interest. So choose your battles wisely. What are their future choices that you want to influence? How can you equip them to make those choices, so that when they come to make those choices, they hear your voice offer reassuring advice?

Negotiation is critical. "You want something, I want something. This is how I propose that we both get what we want." We have a split system here for allowances. Half of it they are going to receive every week regardless of behavior. But if I have trouble with some aspect of chores or behavior that maybe withholding a few dollars might influence, then I do it. As suggested above by harpgirl, there are other occasions when the desired outcome (on the child's part) is something much larger, and the behavior I want them to enact is much larger. (You want to go to the convention in the spring? Then wear your retainers like you're supposed to. Apologies to Moonglow, who is a great kid, for using this example. We're both getting something we desire.)

I am very lucky in working flexible hours and telecommuting when I need to. It (in addition to saving me gas money) allows me to work at home when the kids have breaks from school. It is this flexibility that has kept me from looking around for a higher paying job. The time with the kids is worth the struggle to keep the bills paid. For more insight on the "having your own life" part of this, I suggest reading the Mudcat Singles thread.

SRS