If you micromanage they can end up beyond your reach and influence altogether.

My mother made the mistake of telling us that she wasn't going to date because she was focussing her attention on us. We heartily wished that she would date and focus a bit less on us. As it happened the attention was real spotty. There weren't social networks in place back then that exist now, and one brother fell through the cracks. Enough said.

I don't rule out a relationship, but I don't plan to shoe-horn one in, either. I've seen friends try "serial relationships" after divorce (sometimes after separation--talk about painful for the kids!) and frankly, it looks like they're including another kid in their households.

It would be nice to set the example of a good single-partner relationship, but that isn't happening right now. Instead, they're seeing the example of a good ex-partner relationship, in which each is treated with courtesy, respect, and affection, if not passion. We'll live with what we have for now.

SRS