Having strong, clear boundaries, and teaching adolescents that they are accountable for both their good and bad behavior by giving them consequences (both positive and negative) is what helps them make their way through the transitional years from child to adult.

All the latest science shows that the adolescent mind isn't nearly as "mature" as we want to believe it is.

Just ask any parent or educator of great kids who make incredibly bad, sometimes dangerous, sometimes even deadly decisions. In a single day, I see a hundred examples of otherwise great, very bright, very mature kids making really bad choices and decisions in ways that adults don't.

I'm not saying punish kids, I'm not saying be negative. What I'm saying is that raising up teens requires boundaries and balance, and realistic adult consequences appropriate to their actions, both positive AND negative...and vigilance. They will wear you down much sooner than you will them, for sure!

Part of maintaining healthy boundaries is changing them, and updating them regularly as the teen matures. But ONLY as they mature. If they aren't mature enough to drive, then don't allow them to drive! PLEASE!!!! Teens kill more people with cars by far than any other age group. That is VERY real. If your kid can't handle a car, then don't give them the keys to one. Don't cave in to their constant begging, pleading, pressure tactics, etc. Make them drive with you until they are ready to drive alone AND responsibly with their friends.

BTW, saw an interesting statistic on the news about teens and driving last night. In the early 70s, 52% of 16 & 17 years olds had a license. Today, only 42% do, despite a huge increase in the number of cars on the road, in the number of drivers, etc. Yet still, teens kill 4,000 Americans every year, and while the number of teen drivers continues to go down, the teens that do drive are killing more people every year.

No one learns from their mistakes if they are never criticized, if they aren't analyzed by others--their egocentric views of themselves are just too myopic. That becomes very dangerous for kids too, and leads to them isolating themselves for fear of being looked at by others. Can you imagine teaching someone to drive a motor vehicle without being able to tell them what they are doing wrong, or only by "giving praise"?

That's what I'm talking about here folks.

I will never buy into the pandemic of "feel good, be positive all the time, and never a critical word" propaganda so prevalent in the public education system and among middle and upper class parents. Just plain don't buy it at all, because that is just not the way the adult world works.

Shielding teenagers from the realities of the adult world by playing these "only praise" games also makes them not trust you. They know you aren't giving them a realistic view of themselves or the adult world. Then they are cynical and manipulative (I see this day in and day out, watching the students who are savvy enough to have the "nice" teachers wrapped around their little fingers).