If I can stop the tears from my eyes after jonathans fuckup fairy visit. here is a few:

when you were born your mother said "what a treasure" and your dad said "ya, let's burry it before it grows"

you weren't born, your test tube cracked and you came up with the fumes.

a crow shit you on a fence post and the sun hatched you out.

you have a beautiful set of tooth.

your so ugly you have to sneek up on a glass of water.

some one spit in the corner and you grew with the bacteria.

your so skinny you have to run around in a shower to get wet.

you weren't hit the ugly stick, you were beat with the whole damb tree.